Ants are so tiny, and their little segmented bodies joined together by next-to-nothing. It’s hard to imagine digestive tracts running down through the length of an ant. But surely everything that lives must eat and excrete – that’s at the core definition of life. However, there’s more to an ant than meets the eye.
Just as a quick aside here, the total biomass of ants on Earth is roughly equal to the total biomass of humans. That’s 1.5 million ants for every human being on the planet. Hold that thought.
An ant’s nest can be anything from a small colony in a back garden up to supercolonies spanning thousands of miles. Research is now beginning to suggest that many of these supercolonies are not independent, but are in fact part of a single, global megacolony.
What an ant does is fairly simple. Its only job is to augment the colony. This can be by tunnelling and expanding the nest, farming aphids for their sugary nectar to fuel the other ants, or if you’re the Queen, by simply churning out more ants to this ultimate goal. They are organised, regimented and single-minded in their mission. When an ant dies in the line of duty, the body is recovered and taken back to the nest for recycling.
And so I come back to the question – do ants poop?
The answer is no. Ants do not poop. Ants don’t poop because they are robots. Or, as I like to call them, antdroids.
Ants are tiny A.I. components with the sole mission to harvest sugar for the Queen to break down into fructose and use as fuel for further antdroid production. We neither notice nor care because at the moment, the ants are too small to be perceived as a threat – but what if they used their components to trantsform into something bigger?
Think about it; if you were a Decepticon, or Skynet, or V.I.K.I., how would you go about destroying humans and dominating the Earth? Would you build big, flashy robots with big guns and hope to blast everything out of the sky? Or would you secretly amass an army right in plain sight and take humanity down from the inside. Just sayin’. The total biomass of ants on Earth is roughly equal to the total biomass of humans. They are organised, regimented and single-minded in their mission. And they are just biding their time.
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July 1, 2012 at 8:19 am
I’m scared of ants now!
August 27, 2014 at 11:32 pm
They aren’t robots…