Cats have it easy, don’t they?  They get fed.  They get petted.  They get their photos plastered all over the internets for everyone to lol at.  Should we finally own up to the fact that cats are in charge of it all?  They certainly seem to rule the internet.

If you’ve ever owned a cat you will know that while dogs have owners, cats have slaves.  They will have the things that they want.  They will have them when they want them.  And if they don’t, your life will be a misery until they do. Occasionally, a cat will deign to show you some affection or look cute, but this is usually just manipulation to keep you in their pocket.

Compare and contrast other pet species:

Rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, rats – in fact, all the rodents – are helpless little cannon fodder.  They rule nothing.

Parrots are smart, will interact with humans, and could survive independently.  They don’t really have any control over our actions though.

Dogs do instil a feeling of nurturing and protection in humans, and people will go to great lengths to look after their dogs.  But while dogs are usually at least reasonable predators, domestic breeds are not really cut out for wild living and tend to go to pieces when lost.

Cats, however:-

• Can survive independently, they just choose not to.

• Get all of their creature comforts from humans.

• Never adapt their behaviour, always forcing the human to change instead e.g forcing purchase of different food brands, sleeping on a favourite chair until human uses another or buys a top-notch cat bed, yowling to come in at 3am until human gives up and buys a cat flap.

Why, then, if we are just being used, do we even submit to these demands in the first place?

Humans tolerate their pets because they feel like they get something out of the relationship.  While cats may not be the most giving of creatures, they are very cute to watch when they chase their tails, play, and snooze.  Studies show that stroking cats can reduce blood pressure and ease stress.  Some biologists suggest that for these reasons, the relationship between humans and domesticated cats is symbiotic – an arrangement of mutual benefit.  I disagree.

I would suggest that cats are actually parasites.

par·a·site/ˈparəˌsīt/
Noun:  An organism that lives with another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host’s expense.

It’s undeniable that kitties come at our expense.  Biscuits, toys, cat litter; all associated periphery is a drain.  And for what benefit?  Nothing we need to survive, that’s for sure.  It may look like cats have taken over the world, but the truth of the matter is, cats have simply taken over humans.