If power stations are there to generate heat, why do they have cooling towers?

19 May

We’ve all seen power stations… Big hulking beasts on the landscape spewing out fumes from the cooling towers.  But if the point of them is to produce energy, why waste it by cooling everything down?

The truth is that they are not doing what they claim inside these facilities.

We hear endlessly about fossil fuels running out, green energy research, renewable energy and all the rest.  What they don’t tell you is that they have already switched energy sources in some of these plants.  They have found an effective energy source but they have to keep it top secret because if it were in the public domain, it would be very controversial.   The truth is, approximately 27% of our current electricity in the National Grid now comes from hamsters.

A standard hamster in a wheel can spin at between 40-60 rpm/min.  A hamster bred for the purpose of running and fed on a high-energy diet can manage up to 100rpm/min.  And if you’ve ever owned a hamster you will know they can and will run all night without getting bored, keeping you awake with a squeaky wheel until the cows come home.  While they are running, any poop is collected and sold as fertiliser – conveniently this is already in pellet form and needs no production costs save for packaging. The profit from this can offset the initial outlay on converting the hamster wheels to collect the kinetic energy, making the whole system quite cost-effective.

Obviously this cannot be declared because the RSPCA and PETA would shut it down before you could say ‘puffy cheeks’.  The hamsters are actually treated incredibly well.  They are fed the highest quality diet, they have spacious living and sleeping areas and want for nothing.  And once the hamster is tired from running, it is taken to cool down and have little hamster saunas and spa treatments before bed.  With the quantity of hamsters in the facility, this generates a great deal of hamster sweat and steam which is funnelled away via the cooling towers.

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Posted by on May 19, 2012 in Silly, Why?


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