It’s true. It’s sod’s law, and it happens to all of us.
Except it isn’t just sod’s law. The fact that it happens EVERY DAMN TIME is proof in itself that there are greater forces at work here. Read the rest of this entry »
Monthly Archives: March 2010
Why does Diet Coke have the same effect on me as alcohol?
It is true that Coca-Cola used to contain cocaine. The name was originally descriptive of the ingredients; coca leaves and kola nuts. Obviously this was stopped completely in 1929, so drugs are not the cause of your behaviour when drinking the stuff.
Diet Coke is different from the standard because it contains less sugar. They replace the natural sugars with Read the rest of this entry »
Why do I sometimes see psychedelic patterns swirling about under my eyelids?
If you’re certain it isn’t an acid trip?
I’m going to guess that the colouring in these swirls looks very similar to the kind you get on the road when there has been a leaky car or a petrol spill.
The swirls you see are excess oils on the surface of the eye. The liquid over your iris isn’t entirely water, if it was it would just all evaporate. There are oil glands in your eyelids which swirl oils over the surface to keep everything well lubricated. (If one of these glands gets blocked it causes all kinds of ugly nonsense, but that’s quite another story.)
Although the eye itself can’t produce enough of these oils to give a visible effect, the uncombusted petrol fumes in exhausts of big messy cars like Land Rovers can pollute the atmosphere and settle on the eye. Especially if you walk along busy roads a lot.
You might imagine that eyelids are blackout curtains for your eyes, but they actually let quite a lot of light in. Just try looking into a torch with your eyes closed – or rather, don’t. It’s not that fun. It’s the light coming through your eyelid at a certain angle that allows you to see these psychedelic patterns swirling around.
Either that or you’ve been listening to too much Portishead.
My cat is obsessed with boxes and carrier bags. Why?!
You are not alone in this. It is natural cat behaviour to be nosey at, peruse, sit in, tail chase, or rub noses with any box, bag or other receptacle left within paw reach.
They do this because even the most seemingly sensible and intelligent cat will think there’s something to chase. In a big cardboard box they will poke at the corners or chase their tail. In a smaller bag they will sit and await the return of the beastie that lives there. It’s an unshakeable conviction that somewhere in the vicinity of this bag is prey. And the root of this conviction? Hallucinogenics.
Why are wisdom teeth called wisdom teeth?
Wisdom teeth are the only human teeth to develop entirely after birth. They simply aren’t there when you’re a child, and next thing you know, BAM! You’ve got toothache. Read the rest of this entry »
Now that it’s possible to have a sex change, how will I be able to change into a duck?
I think the real question here is; are you prepared to spend the rest of your life eating nothing but watercress, bread, and the odd insect?
If you decide that the life of a duck is for you, it’s a long and painful journey to complete your transformation.
Why isn’t there mouse-flavoured cat food?
There is! A very small firm in America sells this delicacy. However, it comes at a high price.
An attempt was made by Whiskas to breed mice specifically for cat food, much like they are bred for snake consumption. Their product line failed to take off, however, because cats wouldn’t eat the stuff. Have you noticed that whenever a cat hunts a mouse, it hardly ever eats much of the kill? It will bring the body to you for inspection and approval, but nine times out of ten you’ll be left with a small, furry corpse. Read the rest of this entry »
Steve Jobs sucks goats. Why the Hell is this site made on a Mac?
Although Apple and goats do have certain properties in common, it is with sadness that I must report Steve Jobs is in fact more successful than our goat friends.
While Mac is approaching 8% of the world’s PC market, goats only account for 2% of globally consumed dairy products.
I would hope that Mr Jobs is partial to some feta with his lunch, because like his software, goat’s milk is more easily processed by humans. The reduced acidity makes it easier to digest and less likely to cause irritation to the system.
Although our bovine counterpart is more widely used and available everywhere, it is less suitable for the very young and very elderly due to high instance of bacteria and shorter shelf-life. Pasteurisation may remove most viruses, however, this produces a remarkably bland and generic flavour.
Goat’s milk has been used by a small minority for centuries to make some of the world’s most delicious cheeses. Goats deserve some recognition for producing high-quality, healthy and simple goods; even if they are not to your taste.
Why don’t you ever see white dog poo any more like you did years ago?
Over the last couple of decades, the world has seen a lot of changes. There is a plethora of advanced technology, new farming techniques, and different methods of food preparation. We’ve also seen the advent of new diseases sweeping the country and even the world. All of these changes filter down to our little doggy friends. Read the rest of this entry »
If walls could talk, what would they say?
Walls are widely attributed with having ears, and being able to talk. But who ever said they had eyes?
Being a wall must be hard, if you’ll forgive the pun. Hearing things but not necessarily being able to understand them; being bumped, leaned on, and even drilled into sometimes; having your backside in a snowdrift and a burning hot radiator on your front. I’d imagine it’s enough to drive one a little potty and wouldn’t be surprised if most were suffering serious paranoia issues. Read the rest of this entry »
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